The Rigors and Rewards of Pack Life

I am waking up again to life and starting to remember what it means to be a human being among human beings. Left to my own dubious devices, I isolate, I run away, I disappear. I stray from the herd, following some misfired instinct of self-preservation. And as we have learned from National Geographic specials, bad things happen to the pack animal who goes off on his own.

Don't worry, I didn't have some wild epiphany on the joys of conformity. No: what I am talking about is communitas. Human beings need each other, and despite what my head tells me, I am a human being. Living in a recovery house and interacting with my roommates reminds me that I need - and want - real human contact. I benefit from talking to other people, laughing with them, helping and being helped. I benefit from sitting in group therapy or meetings and letting myself be seen and known. I feel like the crazy dog Cesar Milan throws in with his emotionally balanced pack of dogs - the crazy dog calms down and learns how to be a dog again.

On a very real physiological level, we need each other: our nervous systems regulate and balance themselves when we are around other people. It's a fact, so you might as well accept it and return a smile or two. I know it's not always easy. I was raised on westerns, war movies, and detective fiction, so the idea of the lone wolf is still appealing. But the empirical evidence of my life has shown me that that is not who I am. I get strange without people, I get stuck in the attic in my head with all the dusty furniture and anachronistic machinery. Being the lone wolf almost got me killed. Q.E.D.

So I'll wake up tomorrow and try not to wake up my roommate while I get ready. I'll make a full pot of coffee so the guys down the hall can have some too. I'll speak up in group and find out how the others are doing. I'll listen and be present for them. I'll go see my friends and be "a friend among friends". I'll run with the pack and when I need to go off on my own, I'll leave in good cheer, because I know they'll be there when I get back.