Let's start over, okay?
My name is Mr Moose and I'm an al - well, let's not dwell on what I am or what I am not. The important thing is that after tearing my life down to the ground, reconstruction has finally begun! I'm setting the foundation right now (oops - was I supposed to stub out the plumbing first? Somebody get the goddamn foreman on the phone), and it's a totally new design for my life. I'm slowly becoming the person I always wanted to be. Granted, I didn't think this would be how it happened, but these days I can vouch for neither the accuracy nor the usefulness of my plans and my various bright ideas.
It all comes down to the Commitment to act on behalf of my best interests. It was my behavior that got me here (in a recovery house in a town down by the sea) and it is up to me to change that behavior in order to get myself out of here and into where I want to be (in a house with my wife in a town up in the hills). My family helped me see that - that I am free. I don't have to wait for anything or anyone else to save me. I don't have to live like I lived before.
Oh, what do I mean by that, you ask? Depressed, stressed out, isolated, unhappy, hopeless, run by negative thoughts and a brain that told me I was a piece of human garbage. I was on the way to an early death and I didn't even know it. As Raymond Carver said, "And that sweet light I spoke of? That's gone too." Cheery, huh?
Today I have nothing and I have everything. Today I have my whole life ahead of me. It is fucking unbelievable.
It's also fairly simple. All I have to do today is:
1. Meet an outpatient counselor for an intake interview
2. Go to a farmers market for the week's food
3. Write some more on my "homework"
4. Go see my new therapist for my first session
5. Come home safe and sound
I will now be shutting off my thinking-mind and going about the business of living.
-end transmission-
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7 comments:
it's alive!
yea, yea, yea for mr.moose!
Taking care of yourself and getting help to learn the tools to do that is a very healthy road to travel. Two years ago I was where you are now. You have started on an amazing journey. Best wishes to you.
Hooray! I love this and I love that you are you.
Sav: Yay for me! And thanks for calling.
Techno: Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Yasmin: Hooray! And I love that you are you too.
Life, lights go off, and all ... maybe a good torch ... :)
Best of luck to you in your journeys. "Today is the first day of the rest on your life."
Live well.
Thanks Mago and Mark. I will do my best!
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