What a piece of shit is a man, how lacking in reason, how
finite in faculties, in form and moving how clumsy and
unbearable, in action how like a donkey, in apprehension how like
a squid! the bore of the world, the parody of animals—and yet,
to me, what is this quintessence of delight?
Over the past couple of days, I've been feeling very low. Overwhelmed, scattered, and unsure of what to do next, I woke up early yesterday morning with a knot in my stomach and a crease in my forehead. But suddenly, like a fever, it broke and I snapped back into my life. I got out of bed, went running, drank some tea, called a loved one just to say hello, and ended up having a pretty cool day.
I feel as if my body got impatient with my brain's inability to accept reality - the reality of who I am and where I've put myself - and decided to bypass any and all cranial authorization for action. My body simply went about the business of living. "You can lie here and pull out what little hair we have left, o brain my brain, " said the body, "but I'm going to get up and go see how the sunlight looks coming through the trees. Have fun stewing in your own juices!" All the doubt and fear and negativity pooling in my mind was not forgotten, it just wasn't given undue importance.
It was a good lesson. Whatever fear I have about meeting the challenges today will bring won't stop me from meeting those challenges. I cannot erase those fears and I cannot pretend they don't exist. All I can do is keep moving.
finite in faculties, in form and moving how clumsy and
unbearable, in action how like a donkey, in apprehension how like
a squid! the bore of the world, the parody of animals—and yet,
to me, what is this quintessence of delight?
Over the past couple of days, I've been feeling very low. Overwhelmed, scattered, and unsure of what to do next, I woke up early yesterday morning with a knot in my stomach and a crease in my forehead. But suddenly, like a fever, it broke and I snapped back into my life. I got out of bed, went running, drank some tea, called a loved one just to say hello, and ended up having a pretty cool day.
I feel as if my body got impatient with my brain's inability to accept reality - the reality of who I am and where I've put myself - and decided to bypass any and all cranial authorization for action. My body simply went about the business of living. "You can lie here and pull out what little hair we have left, o brain my brain, " said the body, "but I'm going to get up and go see how the sunlight looks coming through the trees. Have fun stewing in your own juices!" All the doubt and fear and negativity pooling in my mind was not forgotten, it just wasn't given undue importance.
It was a good lesson. Whatever fear I have about meeting the challenges today will bring won't stop me from meeting those challenges. I cannot erase those fears and I cannot pretend they don't exist. All I can do is keep moving.
3 comments:
keep on truckin, poppa!
Carpe your balls, buddy. Stay low, go fast, go hard and you'll probably be fine. Believe me, I feel your pain and fear as I'm experiencing the same thing here.
I love your honesty!!
It's so refreshing to know i'm not the only one that has days like this. I've been criticized by a friend for putting certain things out there on my blog. but Hell, why not? It's what is real, & The feedback (when & if you get it) is great! And if you don't get it, it's still good therapy to write it all down in a place where at anytime you know that someone may stumble upon it and posibly give you some insight that you've never thought of before.....Great Post!
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